Kirsten (![[info]](http://p-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small} badsugar) wrote,@ 2003-01-28 09:37:00 |
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Fear less, hope more;
So is this it? Probably. I had high hopes, I usually do. Don't we all? Some don't. Do you have friends that always sick? I do. People who always complain. Always have something bothering them. Always tired. Never satisfied. Always bored. I'm hardly ever bored. I can't remember that last time I sat and thought I was bored...can you?
I'm really down because of so much hype. So much plan. To just have nothing still. Just some text that means nil. NIL.
Right. So whatever, who knows, not me? I'm enjoying my black with 2 sugars. You? Cream? Not for me. Milk Sucks. For real.
So I used to be so close, like little brother or more close, because I would care for him and I loved doing it. How can I help other people? I don't know. I've been having chest pains. Whenever I do, I think heart attack. Whose heart did I get? Mom or Dads? or sickly combo? Which traits??
One of my sisters is a cow. Really. I used to lose sleep over the fear of obsesity. I know. But to hear her always tell me she was thin, healthy, worked out then one day she just got fat. Just like that? She raised me with that belief that it was JUST what happened. Just like her problems, its just what happens. She doesn't just try to change, just complains, and acts like its a force of nature. I would see her eat an entire can of beans, a bowl of cereal meant to serve 8 (really), a bag of can with 12 servings. All within two hours. She would go to a resturaunt, eat half of an appetizer, almost an entire meal, and dessert. Get home and eat whatever food was left over. The fact that it was in the house, ate away at her. She couldn't sit down and watch tv for five minutes without thinking of it. That drives me mad. The lack of control. Giving in to gluttony. Being that much of a pig. Then she would complain and say we eat the same thing, but your thin and I'm not. Its not fair.
Its not fair.
Right.
Life isn't fair.
I just never got why she didn't see? Do you point out stuff like that? How do you help people? I don't even know.
I wish I could help people. When you eat healthy and right you realize how bad you were. Its like when you stop drinking or doing drugs you realize the truth. When I quit smoking a friend quit at the same time, he started up after a week. Well OPENLY started up. He had quit for about 3 days then started smoking on the sly. Another thing I don't get, who are you hiding from? Do others really care that you just failed yourself? Admitting it openly only hurts yourself, so you protect yourself four days until you get used to the idea that you are a full blown smoker and you've convinced yourself that you are a failure and you really like it anyway. Some people are just meant that path. Wrong indeed. That drives me mad too that people fail on themselves and hide it from others, when they are only doing it to protect themselves, when it only hurts more in the long run. The smoke my give your cancer but you just sealed into your mind your failure and its okay.
I'm annoying today. I know.
Sorry.
"Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours."
-Swedish Proverb
So is this it? Probably. I had high hopes, I usually do. Don't we all? Some don't. Do you have friends that always sick? I do. People who always complain. Always have something bothering them. Always tired. Never satisfied. Always bored. I'm hardly ever bored. I can't remember that last time I sat and thought I was bored...can you?
I'm really down because of so much hype. So much plan. To just have nothing still. Just some text that means nil. NIL.
Right. So whatever, who knows, not me? I'm enjoying my black with 2 sugars. You? Cream? Not for me. Milk Sucks. For real.
So I used to be so close, like little brother or more close, because I would care for him and I loved doing it. How can I help other people? I don't know. I've been having chest pains. Whenever I do, I think heart attack. Whose heart did I get? Mom or Dads? or sickly combo? Which traits??
One of my sisters is a cow. Really. I used to lose sleep over the fear of obsesity. I know. But to hear her always tell me she was thin, healthy, worked out then one day she just got fat. Just like that? She raised me with that belief that it was JUST what happened. Just like her problems, its just what happens. She doesn't just try to change, just complains, and acts like its a force of nature. I would see her eat an entire can of beans, a bowl of cereal meant to serve 8 (really), a bag of can with 12 servings. All within two hours. She would go to a resturaunt, eat half of an appetizer, almost an entire meal, and dessert. Get home and eat whatever food was left over. The fact that it was in the house, ate away at her. She couldn't sit down and watch tv for five minutes without thinking of it. That drives me mad. The lack of control. Giving in to gluttony. Being that much of a pig. Then she would complain and say we eat the same thing, but your thin and I'm not. Its not fair.
Its not fair.
Right.
Life isn't fair.
I just never got why she didn't see? Do you point out stuff like that? How do you help people? I don't even know.
I wish I could help people. When you eat healthy and right you realize how bad you were. Its like when you stop drinking or doing drugs you realize the truth. When I quit smoking a friend quit at the same time, he started up after a week. Well OPENLY started up. He had quit for about 3 days then started smoking on the sly. Another thing I don't get, who are you hiding from? Do others really care that you just failed yourself? Admitting it openly only hurts yourself, so you protect yourself four days until you get used to the idea that you are a full blown smoker and you've convinced yourself that you are a failure and you really like it anyway. Some people are just meant that path. Wrong indeed. That drives me mad too that people fail on themselves and hide it from others, when they are only doing it to protect themselves, when it only hurts more in the long run. The smoke my give your cancer but you just sealed into your mind your failure and its okay.
I'm annoying today. I know.
Sorry.
"Fear less, hope more;
Whine less, breathe more;
Talk less, say more;
Hate less, love more;
And all good things are yours."
-Swedish Proverb
