Kirsten's Journal

something i said
Friend I dont know why you stopped talking to me. You were my one and only. The odd thing is my shut off button. It must be located in a poor spot? Sometimes I hit it without even noticing. Then I look up to realize its been two years since. How could I do that? I dont even know, its just like them, so I guess we have learned from someone that relationships dont mean much. I dont know I feel so strongly so I know that cannot be true. Maybe its the cut off factor in terms of loving and leaving. I do not know. Do we ever know, no we dont.

It looks lovely outside and Im listening to the CD for the 2nd time today! Ive been busy all weekend searching for employment. Its crazy because Im coming down to the deadline Im moving in under two months, BUT everything, and I mean everything is up in the air.

For the past decade (a little under), Ive struggled and fought. Thinking if justIf onlyMaybe if I could justetc. Ive closed my eyes and turned my back. When I left him, at first it was amazing. Then I fucked everything up, and fell into a depression. But aside from that I think everything else kind of hit me. The reality. In these past months Ive realized things that Ive never contemplated, and there is so much I do not like. I want to change a lot for me. It hurts when you realize the one thing youve been basing your existence around is not the only thing that made it all fall apart.

What I love about my journal as that I dont even have to specifically identify what Im saying and its that one time where I can really let it out and just flow with the thoughts that I never even put into order. To an extent there are thoughts I have been I spend so much energy working. Working. But dont we all. Tomorrow is a holiday Im going

"One of the many lessons that one learns in prison is, that things are what they are and will be what they will be." -Oscar Wilde

Current Mood: drained